“Self sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn’t happen.” – Alyce Cornyn-Selby
After coming back from India I couldn’t work out what was wrong with me. I couldn’t align myself with my life here and I didn’t know why. I felt a really strong urge to escape and just go back to India but that didn’t feel right either, nothing did and I truly felt I didn’t really know myself anymore. I thought it was because I needed to adjust to being back in my life but that still wasn’t sitting right with me. I hated that I couldn’t find the peace and happiness I found in India and I wasn’t sure how to get it back.
Meditation for a realisation
When in meditation last week I had a strong realisation that I was self sabotaging. I went through a few different scenarios and feelings in my heart and I saw that I had a real lack of self-belief and that maybe my feelings were coming from a fear of failure. I don’t know if you know but I have handed in my notice at work, I am SO committed to sharing yoga with the world, spreading love and joy, that I want to spend ALL my time and efforts making this happen. But that is one scary reality!
The thing is, I came back from India with this yoga teacher qualification and then I got my Rainbow Kids teacher qualification and then I thought, hmm, I suppose I should do something with these? And then my mind chipped in, what if I fail? What if I’m not good enough? What if no-one comes to my classes? What if I can’t remember what I want to teach in the middle of the class? This was all subconscious of course and even though I knew this deep down, I didn’t want to admit it because that would mean dealing with it! And who wants to deal with that?
After my meditation I felt a complete release and a need to admit what I was doing to myself and those around me and once I said it out loud it was as if all my worries and fears floated away. I felt all of a sudden like what I was doing was my purpose and that of course it will succeed because I am meant to be doing it! That was what I heard when I listened to my heart instead of my head.
Self-sabotage is a natural thing
All of us do it to keep ourselves in our safe places, to stay within our comfort zones. When we see an opportunity to come out of our comfort zones, we will tell ourselves that we will fail because we are making sure our minds and bodies are prepared for that scenario when it happens. Then, we decide not to go ahead and take the risk because of the fear of failure and we stay safely in whatever it is we’re not truly happy in. It’s almost like we don’t think we deserve the life we want to create, like we don’t feel we are worthy enough!
Fear of Success
The truth is we are mostly scared of success because then we really have to show up. If we are successful, we have to put ourselves out there fully for the World to see, open ourselves up to judgment from others and be our authentic, vulnerable selves.
BUT if we do it, if we stop sabotaging ourselves, then our dreams can actually come true, we can have the life we deserve and the life we really want. We really are always looked after when we do what it is our souls want to do, everything will come to us if we just relax and know that its coming. That’s the key, surrendering to what is and being happy in each moment in our lives, always remembering how lucky we are for what has already been given to us.
How to heal self-sabotage
I found these steps to be really helpful and if you are thinking you might be self-sabotaging then see if these help you!
- Notice self-judgments. It is likely that your self-judgments are a major reason you are stuck. Self-judgment is a major form of self-sabotage. When you notice yourself judging yourself, ask your higher self for the truth.
- Shift your definition of your worth, from outcomes to effort. Decide that you will define your worth by the loving actions you take for yourself and others, rather than by the outcome of the actions.
- Consciously see mistakes and failure as steppingstones to success, rather than as definitions of your worth. Make it okay to fail. Allow failure and mistakes to inform you that you need to learn more, rather than being indicators of your intelligence or worth, or lack thereof.
- Learn to be kind and compassionate toward your own feelings. When you can embrace your painful feelings with kindness toward yourself, rather than with judgment, you will not be so afraid of being hurt.
- Make a decision that you are willing to lose another person rather than lose yourself. You will not fear rejection or engulfment when you learn to be true to yourself, and you are willing to take loving action in your own behalf — even if another person doesn’t like it.
I believe in myself now, I believe in my purpose and I believe I am doing exactly what I am meant to be doing every day and I hope you do too beautiful soul!